I Love You, I Hate You
by CaptainYuzuki18
Summary: CM Punk is harboring secret feelings for Cena. In order to kill those emotions, he must do everything possible to keep them hidden. But is it possible with the ever so nice and caring John Cena?
1. I Hate Everything About You

**Hello WWE slash fans and welcome to my first fan fiction in this category. I'm used to video game and anime stories so using real people has been a bit of a challenge especially when I have angles to follow from the past year to deal with but some things fell into place perfectly to get my idea along. Also, a shout out to slaygirl190 whose stories inspired me to write this way.  
><strong>

**Pairing: John Cena X CM Punk (a few others will be hinted/touched upon but not stressed)**  
><strong>Rating: NC -17  M  
><strong>

**Summary: CM Punk is harboring secret feelings for John Cena. In order to kill those emotions, he must do everything possible to keep them hidden. But is it possible with the ever so nice and caring John Cena?**

**NOTE: If it's in italics**, _it's CM Punk's thoughts._

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><p><strong>Chapter 1: I Hate Everything About You<strong>

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><p>CM Punk's heart was pounding, slowly increasing as he made his way to the viewing bay. He made it a point to get dressed in a locker room that had been deserted, wanting nothing more than to be alone. The past week had taken a toll on him. These feelings were starting to corrupt his choices and cloud his judgment. Last week on Raw AND Smackdown, he had made the decision to attack John Cena with a steel chair. The pain that he felt was hurting his cause more than helping it.<p>

His cause? To kill the love that was growing inside him.

The love he had developed for John Cena.

It started off as nothing, a school boy crush at most. John was always smiling. No matter what anyone said about him, he stuck his neck out for them and rose above hate. The children adored him. Women swooned over him. He was the biggest face in World Wrestling Entertainment since The Rock and Steve Austin. Strong. Handsome. Determined and all around nice guy. He could literally kill someone with his kindness. And Punk knew that it wasn't some act, that's who he was. Over time, it developed into a fondness that continued into love.

It made Punk smirk just thinking about it. John truly was too good for him. Maybe in the same league wrestling wise but as far as a relationship was concerned, he was in the minors while John was the MVP of the majors. He didn't want to love him. He always walked the path of life alone. And it needed to stay that way. For his career…his sanity…and his heart.

Fate did not seem to agree.

Punk turned the corner and collided with someone. He took a step back, keeping his balance. His eyes glared up at a pair of cerulean ones. "Sorry about that, Punk," John smiled, "I didn't see you there." Punk said nothing, just continued to stare. Cena cocked his head to the side, "Is something wrong?" Punk shook his head, breaking the trance he was put in by John's eyes. "Nothing that concerns the great John Cena." he snapped, pushing by him. He stopped dead in his tracks as he felt John grab his hand. "Now that's not very nice. Listen, can I ask you something?"

Punk yanked his hand away, praying that his cheeks were not turning red and certain other parts of him would not come to life. "What?" John sighed placed his hands on his hips. "Well…it's just…did I do something wrong? I mean in 2 days I got smacked with a steel chair by you twice. I know we have never been the best of friends but I don't think I deserved that. If I did something to upset you, I'm sorry." Punk just stared. Was Cena really blaming himself for his actions? He wanted to hug the man and tell him everything but that wasn't happening. "Just stay out of my way." and with that, he turned and rushed away from John's confused gaze.

_"Dammit, Punk. You need to get the hell over this and quick. What the fuck are you thinking? One, he's a man. A very handsome man. He can have any girl he wants. Why would he want you?"  
><em>  
>He finally reached the viewing bay and took a seat by himself. He preferred it this way. No connections to anyone. That way, he couldn't ever feel betrayed or hurt. Most of these people disgusted him in one way or another. The Divas always tried to be nice to him but even if he was completely straight, he wouldn't touch them with someone else's dick. One of the only wrestling friends he had, Dave Batista, had plowed most of if not all of these women. Straight edges don't do promiscuous sex.<p>

The next thing he knew, the leaderless Nexus walked through the door. They looked like a pack of puppies that had lost their mother. They didn't know what to do or where to go. It was pathetic. He had overheard that they had been looking for someone new to follow. David had stepped up temporarily but he wasn't the type of man that could stay in charge for an extended amount of time. Just like Punk, they sat away from everyone else. They were having conversations amongst themselves as the show went on, certain words sticking out to Punk every now and then but nothing worth noting. Until he heard the name 'Cena.' His eyes glanced towards them, this attention a little more intrigued.

Were they planning another attack? A sudden wave of protectiveness welled up inside him. He didn't want to see Cena get hurt but he slapped himself mentally. He was the last one who should be worried about Cena's safety. He had attack him twice out of desperation to hide his love. How was he any better?

_"How…am I…any better…?"_

The sentence kept playing in his head over and over again. It was interrupted but the sound of John's music played through the arena. There on the screen, appeared the smiling icon. His dimples as exposed as ever. He looked adorable when he smiled. Punk couldn't help but feel his loins stirring. So adorable. So hot. John started talking his typical John Cena promo. The Nexus looked on with a careful eye, before standing up and making their way to the door. Punk watched them go, trying to get inside the rookies' heads. A few other people seemed concerned but not enough to do anything about it.

Punk watched the monitor closely as the Nexus made their way to the ring. Punk gripped the bench tightly, ready to jump at a seconds notice but forcing himself not to at the same time. He had to stay in control but his heart was racing. The Nexus gave Cena this half-ass apology about how they wanted a truce. There was a bluff about new leadership but Punk knew they had not found someone to replace Barrett yet.

Cena was having nothing to do with it. He told them to walk away with their dignity or be prepared to throw hands. And they did just that. David Otunga stepped out of the ring retreating back to his fellow teammates. It didn't last long. They turned and charged the ring, surrounding Cena like they had so many times before. Unconsciously, Punk jumped to his feet and walked towards the stage. His feet were walking faster than his head and heart could control. He asked for his music to be queued up just as the Nexus were done dismantling Cena. The expressions on the faces of the WWE Universe were priceless. Anger with a hint of confusion. Punk slid into the ring and reached for Cena. Just touching the man's flesh stirred the lust inside him.

_"No! Not now, I need to end this…"_

He lifted Cena up onto his shoulders and seconds later, hit the GTS. He looked down at Cena, just lying there breathing heavily. He had endured quite a beating. He continued to stare, taking in the sounds of the WWE Universe. A mix of "Cena," "CM suck," "you suck," and other phrases that were meant to demean him. And then one voice stuck out. Michael Cole was trash talking him on commentary once again: "This is typical CM Punk." Punk whipped around and glared at the announce table. So now his behavior was 'typical?' It was expected? If there was anything that Punk hated, it was being predictable and put into a category. He slid out of the ring, towards the announce table.

_"He wants typical. I'll give them typical."_

He threw the ring announcer aside and grabbed the steel chair he had been sitting on. The fans booed even more and Cole was inquiring as to what was going through his mind. Honestly, he wasn't sure himself. He reentered the ring and grasped the steel chair. Swiftly raising the chair above his head, he let out a loud cry before starting to swing.

_"STOP!"_

Punk stopped, the chair held high above his head. His body was frozen. All he could do was look at Cena's face. He looked so helpless. And Punk has just taking out his frustration with himself out on the man he loved. He…couldn't do it. He couldn't hit him again. The crowd roared with insults as he just stood there, looking at Cena. Not moving. In his whole professional career, he had never frozen up before. Punk lowered the chair and opened it. He took a seat, his eyes never leaving Cena's face.

_"What am I gonna do? I can't hit him…I love him too much. I can't tell him. He would never love me back. Would he? NO! Don't be stupid! I need to do something! Before I get fired…the whole world is watching. They are watching me looking over John Cena like a kid in a candy store. Fucking think, Punk! I need a scapegoat…"_

And then he had his answer. There, by his foot, was the Nexus armband. And just like that, Punk had his answer. He picked up the band and looked at it. This was the only way to distract him from John Cena. He needed to take on a task that would hopefully be large enough to distract him. Slowly, he slid the armband on and up his arm.

_"I'm sorry, John…"_

Punk stood to face the men that seemed just as confused on the ramp. He raised a fist above his head and they mirrored the action. There was a mixed reaction from the crowd. But no matter what, these rookies seemed to have accepted Punk as their new leader.

CM Punk was now running Nexus.

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><p>Punk threw his new armband into his gym bag. He quickly reached for a towel and slipped off his clothes, placing them on top of his bag. A shower would do him well right now. He turned the handles and let the warm water wash over him. Punk wished he could wash away his problems as easily as he could the dirt and sweat of the day. But life wasn't that easy. He thought back to his thoughts in the ring. How he had stopped, dead in his tracks in front of everyone.<p>

No one seemed to notice. When he returned backstage with his new team, no one had made a joke or a comment. It would seem that even the WWE Superstars were in shock at Punk's decision. The Nexus seemed more than happy to have him though. He had years of experience in this business. They knew how greatly they would benefit from his knowledge. But no matter what, Punk couldn't stop thinking about John. He had been helped to the back after the show.

Just thinking about the Bostonian made his cock twitch. Punk started to breathe a little heavier. His mind started to race with images of John shirtless, his smile, and how he had touched his arm earlier. Oh how Punk wished Cena would walk in right now. He'd attack him faster than a lion when stalking its prey. He was much harder now.

_"No use avoiding it…"_

Punk let his hand slip down and wrap itself around his throbbing cock. He thought of John and what it would feel like if he had been the one to be touching him like this. He imaged that John's hands were strong but gentle at the same time. Stroking himself faster, he wondered what sex with John would be like. Just imaging the bigger man pressing up against him caused him to jerk faster and harder. He used his other hand as leverage, holding onto the shower wall so he didn't collapse from lack of focus. He found himself whimpering the other man's name as he felt his orgasm approaching. What sent him over the edge was remembering when John had said his name earlier smiling. How Punk longed to see that face and hear his name as they made passionate love. "J-John…" he whimpered as he came, his seed gathering and sinking into the drain.

Punk stood there for a moment, catching his breath. He brushed his hair back and turned off the water. He toweled off and threw on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. Hopefully he would get some sleep once he got back to the hotel. He walked out of his locker room and looked around. The place seemed deserted. He shuffled along, heading towards the parking lot. Walking by the trainer's office, a certain color caught his eye. A purple shirt. Punk halted. Against his better instincts, he poked his head in through the crack in the door and saw John sleeping on the trainer's gurney. Looking around, he noticed they were alone. He had no idea what possessed him but he silently slipped in and took a seat next to the sleeping Superstar.

He just sat there and looked at John's face. He didn't look that beaten up but he didn't look untouched either. His new lackeys did some damage on the former WWE Champion. Punk couldn't help but feel some pain growing in his chest. No one wanted to see someone they cared about hurt. Especially when it was your fault. Punk reached up and placed his hand over John's. John made a noise that made Punk temporarily pull back; for fear that Cena had regained consciousness. He didn't. Punk slowly covered Cena's hand again and stood up. He hovered over him, just taking in the closer view of his face.

This was the only way. In order to keep Cena safe and protect himself from pain, he had to push John away. He didn't want to do it. He wanted nothing more than to confess to him and take him out on a date. Show him that he wasn't the asshole everyone thought / made him out to be. He was different. He wanted to show Cena that side…but he knew he couldn't.

_"This is the closest I'll ever get."_

He closed his eyes and lowered his head. Punk lightly placed his lips over Cena's, tasting them. They were sweet. Punk bit his tongue, keeping it from trying to force his way past his lips. This was all he could do. He lifted his head and placed a kiss on Cena's forehead.

"I…love you…"

Punk stood there and used his free hand to pet Cena's head as he continued to sleep. With his focus 100% on Cena, Punk didn't notice the Superstar standing in the doorway that had seen and heard everything.

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><p><strong>Please review! Check out my profile to follow me on various Social Networking sites. I'd appreciate it! Lots of love.<strong>


	2. Face Down

**Chapter 2! Here it is! The plot thickens! And thanks to everyone who gave me such a positive response and so quickly! XD And in case you notice, each chapter is a song title (it helps set the tone of the chapter)**

**Reminder: If it's in italics, **_it's CM Punk's thoughts._

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><p>Chapter 2: Face Down<p>

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><p>Punk arrived at the arena the following week to find that John would not be in attendance this week. A string of guilt played in Punk's mind, knowing that his new group was responsible for this. Even if it was from afar, Punk enjoyed his weekly (occasionally twice a week) time where he could look at John's face and wish that he would look at him the same way. In his heart, he knew that the less time Cena was around, the better. Emotions that could not be controlled were dangerous. He couldn't afford to jeopardize his career. He had worked too hard for too long to get where he was now. He was the well needed change for the WWE. Nothing was gonna stop him, not even John Cena.<p>

_"But if looks could kill…I'd like to be hit by that car please."_

He cursed his mind. He was always thinking of his attraction to Cena's physique. He longed for the feeling of being over powered by the man. To feel his lips on his, moving with passion and lust while his hands roamed Punk's body. If there was a God, he must hate him right now. His mind was plague with less than civil thoughts about what he would do to John Cena if he ever got him alone. Sadness loomed in as Punk realized it would never happen. It couldn't. End of story. Right now, he had to focus on his address to the WWE Universe about his actions last week.

The internet was buzzing with talk about "Why would Punk do this," "He needs to have lackeys," and "the future of the WWE." Not that he cared much about what people thought about him. He was going to tell them for his own entertainment, not because he felt he owed them anything. He called for his music to be queued up so he could get this over with. He honestly didn't feel like doing anything but that paycheck wasn't going to create itself magically…although that would have been cool. He entered the arena to a sea of boos and yelling. A few people were cheering for him but that just proved that some people agreed with his brand of change.

He started off by explaining that their (and secretly his) precious John Cena would not be in attendance tonight. He recalled the actions from the week before and asked the audio visual people to cue up the clip from the week before. It hurt Punk a bit to see his Nexus group attacking John. Even worse, he felt more remorse when he saw his own actions against Cena. That GTS looked vicious. And then he saw it. The look on his own face as he looked at John's. It was one thing to feel it but it was a whole different experience to actually see your own face feeling the emotions. Punk turned away from the titantron. It seemed obvious what that look stated and he could only hope that no one else knew that look. It was a farfetched hope because he knew people fell in love all of the time. He'd like to think he wasn't like other people but under that uniquely tattooed skin was still a heart.

Suddenly, a familiar voice echoed throughout the arena. Punk looked towards the stage to see the former Nexus leader, Wade Barrett walking towards him. "Allow me to correct you on two things." Wade spat, seeming more irritated than usual. And the fact that Punk had supposedly been wrong about not one, but two things was irritating as well. "The reason John Cena isn't here tonight has nothing to do with you." Punk cocked his head to the side and pointed at the titantron. He was pretty sure that replay wasn't in his mind. "I just showed it." Punk countered. Wade didn't seem to hear him as he walked up the stairs and entered the ring. The former Nexus leader stood face to face with the new Nexus leader.

"John Cena isn't here because I destroyed him in our match this past week in Pennsylvania."

Punk sighed a bit of internal relief. Maybe it wasn't his fault after all and he could be a little easier on himself.

"And Number 2..."

_"Ha! He said Number 2..."_

"…you're not the leader of the Nexus. I am."

Punk had heard just about enough, amusing as it was. "Wade, Wade. I can understand you being confused. John Cena bounced…what? 23 chairs on your head at TLC? WAKE UP, WADE!" Punk looked around at all the fans who seemed just about annoyed with this as he was. "Nexus needs new management." Wade just looked into Punk's eyes. For a second, Punk thought he saw a smirk. Something didn't feel right.

"Punk…I see you as a hypocritical, manipulative waist of skin."

_"Ouch? This isn't going anywhere good any time soon…"_

"Under my leadership, the Nexus has dominated Raw. It has changed the nature of this show. You're not a leader! You're a liar! You lie about your lifestyle. You lie about being straight edge and you lie to all these John Cena flag waiving morons."

That smirk re-appeared in the corner of Wade's mouth. It made Punk feel vulnerable for some reason.

"I'm a liar?"

Punk couldn't believe what he was hearing. Not only was he insulting his integrity as a straight edge, but his lifestyle? _"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"_

Wade's eyes said it all. He knew something. Punk knew he would have to confront Wade about it later but not in front of millions and millions of people.

"I'm a liar? You're gonna stand here and tell me that I'm the one that's lying?"

Punk let out an uncomfortable laugh. He felt like he was back on Raw the week before when he froze up in the ring. He needed another scapegoat and fast. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the black and yellow of his Nexus armband. For the second week in a row, he had an idea.

"Let's settle it right now. In front of the whole world, let's see who the liar is and who is telling the truth. Why don't we ask the members of Nexus, Wade?"

Wade agreed and called for the Nexus to come to the ring. It was at that point that Punk went into auto-pilot. His mind was racing with thoughts as he observed Wade looking at him more than David Otunga who was going on and on about something Punk didn't really care about. He cared about that look. He had seen that look before. It meant that Wade knew something that Punk didn't want him to know.

_"What's going on? He wasn't here last week so it had to be before that…or maybe after? Maybe he's that mad I took Nexus? It was his only real claim to fame…And why am I a liar? Me? A fucking liar? As if! He has some kind of angle and I need to figure out what it is…especially if it involves my personal life…"_

Punk suddenly felt a need to see John. It always made him feel better just to see that smile, even if it was once. But he'd have to settle for mental images and right now he was picturing those steel chairs John had pulled down on top of Wade. It was quite hilarious. A sudden flashing of lights and a bleeping noise brought him out of autopilot mode.

_"About time the GM said something..."_

He turned to see Michael Cole getting up and giving his 'pay attention to me' speech before starting to read the e-mail. Apparently the GM didn't care about the inner feuding of the Nexus but gave the two leaders an opportunity to become Number 1 contender in a Steel Cage match. Punk looked up as the crowd cheered over the participants. There was indeed a steel cage.

_"I was wondering what that was doing there..."_

The decision that needed to be made was which of the two leaders would be facing the likes of Randy Orton and Sheamus. Punk wouldn't mind kicking their asses but he had a better idea in mind. Turning back to Wade, he smiled before bringing the microphone back to his mouth.

"Take it."

Everyone seemed shocked, including Wade. There was a catch however. Punk wasn't someone to pass over an opportunity so easily. "I'm a talker, I wanna talk things out."

_"Except when it comes to feelings..."_

"But if you lose tonight...you're out! Now, can we shake hands as gentlemen? A gentleman's agreement."

Punk extended his hand, waiting for Wade to grasp it. Wade seemed to be studying him, trying to find out what Punk's agenda was. There wasn't one. He just wanted Wade out of his business and his life. The Englishman took Punk's hand in his own and shook it. But he didn't let go right away. He held firm and his eyes burned into Punk's. It made Punk uncomfortable but he knew that he and the man holding onto him had much more to talk about. Punk lowered his voice and whispered, "We need to talk." Wade smirked, and shook his head. "No, we don't...liar..." and with that, he left the ring and headed back stage. Punk wasn't through with him. Not by a long shot.

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><p>"Hey, Barrett!"<p>

Wade turned to see Punk charging after him. The Nexus members turned, ready for the confrontation. They were ready for a throw down. Punk was less than pleased about the allegations that had been made against him and the fact that Wade had called him a 'liar' again while they had been shaking hands. "Maybe you didn't hear me. I said we need to fucking talk!" The Nexus looked towards the face of the Englishman. Wade smirked at Punk and made a hand motion, signaling them to let them be alone. Wade motioned to a nearby locker room. He entered with Punk close behind, his eyes burning into the back of the Englishman's head. Once inside, Punk slammed the door shut.

"Listen up, asshole! I have a few problems with what you said out there. I may be a lot of things but a liar isn't goddamn one of them! Now I'm demanding a fucking apology right now!"

Wade just laughed, pissing off Punk even more. "But it's true. You do lie about your lifestyle." Wade smirked, crossing his arms over his chest. Enraged, Punk grabbed the collar of the taller man's shirt. The Englishman didn't move. "I am straight edge! That isn't some goddamn gimmick!" Punk yelled.

"Maybe. But that's not what I meant."  
>"Then what?"<p>

Wade laughed a bit before he replied, "Your emotional attachment to John Cena."

Punk's eyes widened. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. There was no way the man could have known anything about it. "I-I don't know what you're talking about..." Punk replied as he looked to the side. His grip loosened a bit. "You're so full of shit." Wade commented. Punk tightened his grip once more and growled at the man, trying to regain his composure and think rationally.

_"This is not the time to lose it! Think, Punk, think! Wade wasn't even here last week. He's bluffing...making a joke because I froze up. That has to be it! It has to be!"_

"Oh ha ha. You're funny. A regular fucking comedian. Because I froze up last week? Somehow that means I care about John Cena? If you don't seem to remember, I cracked two chairs over him before which is a hell of a lot less than what he dropped on you."

Wade laughed even more, finally breaking the smaller man's grip and taking a step back. "The great CM Punk is backed into a corner now?" Punk narrowed his eyes. "I'm not backed into anything." He needed to find out what Barrett meant before he lost his temper and beat it out of him. Wade could sense Punk's growing frustration. It was time he laid the cards on the table.

"So I didn't see you confessing your love and kissing an unconscious John Cena in the trainer's office last week?"

Punk felt his heart stop for a minute. _"What...did he just say..."_ His worst fear had become a reality. Someone did see and worst of all, that person had been Wade Barrett. Of everyone it had to be him. "I-I-I..." Punk mumbled, starting to shake a little. This couldn't be happening. Wade noticed the man's discomfort. He had him now. Punk looked like a child who had been caught stealing from the cookie jar. Except this cookie was special and would have many more repercussions.

"I'd heard the rumors but I never thought they'd be true."  
>"What r-rumors?"<br>"About you. Rumor had it that you were interested in men a little more than women. I heard you tried to confess your love to Jeff Hardy while ECW was going on but he rejected you instantly."

Punk felt a stab of pain as Jeff's name was brought up. Sadly, that rumor was true. He had confessed to Jeff and he was instantly rejected. Jeff said Punk was too emotionally unstable and coming from the crazier of the Hardy brothers that statement really hurt. It was then that Punk knew he could never completely fall for anyone in the WWE ever again. The pain was too great. And yet somehow...he had fallen for John Cena. Wade took a step closer, causing Punk to take a few steps back. But it wasn't too long before he hit the wall.

There was nowhere to go.

"You're pathetic." Wade smirked, placing a hand on the wall to the left of Punk's head. Punk said nothing. It was true. He did find his own feelings and actions to be rather pathetic. All because he couldn't deal with the fear or rejection. "I'll bet you dream about your first real kiss. And I'm not talking about that grandma's kiss you did on Cena. The kind of making out you deeply desire. I doubt anyone would be that bloody sad but hey, all you have are your dreams." Wade continued his torture on the smaller man who looked like he was about to break.

"Shut up..."  
>"Excuse me? Did you actually speak again?"<p>

Punk looked at the floor, "I told you to be quiet. You don't know anything about me. No one fucking does. You're nothing but a bully. You think you can break me down...but it won't work." Punk clenched his fist, "I didn't make it this far because of rumors, sleeping around, or half assing my life. I worked for it. And as far as my dreaming of certain interactions goes...well you can go fuck yourself because I'm saving that for a special guy. Not that it's any of your business."

Punk had said all he had needed to. He pushed past Wade and headed towards the door. This conversation was done.

"Punk..."

Punk let his shoulders sink. "What no-" Punk was cut off. In one fluid motion, he was spun around and Wade's lips came crashing into his. Punk tried to push away but the man was too much for him. And as much as Punk was mentally trying to fight off the advance, his body was melting into the kiss. It had been sometime since he had gotten to make out with anyone. The Brit moved his lips in passionate, slow movements before forcing his tongue into Punk's protesting mouth. Punk pushed and knocked his fists into the former leader's chest. Finally, Wade released him and he hit the floor.

Punk's hand instantly went up to cover his mouth from any further intrusion. He couldn't believe what he had just been a victim of. _"He...took my first real kiss..."_ He could hear the man above him laugh. "Consider us even for you trying to take Nexus from me." And with that, he left Punk alone. Punk kept his eyes connected to the floor, unable to lift them. He felt tears welling up. His first real kiss that he wanted to give to a man he loved...was gone. And there was nothing he could do about it. He finally lifted his eyes to see a poster that had Wade's picture on it as well as the Nexus. His green eyes glared. He may not have been able to do anything about it...but he could get even.

* * *

><p>The match had been a constant back and forth between the three men. With so much on the line, the men had been dishing out hard hitting moves left and right. At the moment, Wade was the only man standing. This was his chance. To climb the cage and escape. He'd reclaim the Nexus, Punk would become his bitch, and he would have a shot at the WWE Championship. A winning combination. He turned and reached for the steel, gripping it hard. He placed his feet into the grating and started to climb. With every step he could feel his goals coming closer and closer. It sent an excitement through him even more powerful that what he had felt by dominating Punk. He was almost there. Suddenly, there seemed to be a roar of a reaction from the crowd.<p>

Punk ran towards the cage as fast as he could and began to climb with all of the agility of a monkey. Once he reached the top, he sat there and looked down into Wade's confused eyes. He extended his hand to the Brit, confusing him even more. A smirk crossed Wade's face - a look that said he had won over Punk after just one kiss. Wade took the Straightedge's hand and continued his climb. Punk's look of concern wiped off instantly. That same smug smile he was known for crossed his face. Punk's hand shot down and ripped the Nexus armband from Barrett. The Englishman looked up, stunned.

"Now we're even, you kiss stealing asshole."

And with that, Punk's boot connected with Wade's face - sending him back to the ring below. As he climbed down, his eyes never left the man lying in the ring. Revenge was sweet indeed. Now, he could focus on other things. As he walked back up the entrance way, he couldn't help but feel proud of himself. Barrett didn't win. Punk now had the Nexus and soon enough, he would forget about John Cena. Or so, he hoped.

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><p><strong>~And there you have it! Be sure to check out my profile and follow me on various stuff =D I'll try to update ASAP~<strong>


	3. Trying Not To Love You

Thank you guys sooooo much for the reviews! They make me desire to update as fast as possible! They really mean a lot to me and I am glad you are enjoying it! It makes me very pleased to know that people enjoy my writing. That means a lot to me.

Remember! _Italics = Punk's thoughts_

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><p>Chapter 3: Trying Not To Love You<p>

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><p>Punk walked into the arena, dragging his bag behind him. He wasn't too far in before he needed to take a seat. The bag had some unusual things in it tonight but they were special items. And by special, he meant to whip his new team into shape…literally. He hadn't slept very much in the past week nor did he use his phone as often as he did. Barrett had been calling and texting him constantly, quite out of his mind. One minute he was pissed, the next he was trying to seduce Punk. Luckily his ship had sailed and he was Smackdown's problem now. And even if he did show up on Raw, he had a knee ready to make the Brit sleep with the fishes.<p>

However, his sleeping has suffered from his own psychosis. He wasn't an insomniac. At least, he didn't think so. The new Nexus were like a pack of overgrown children. They lacked discipline. They tried during the week to go out to eat together. It had been a nightmare. Punk had stayed up for hours throwing virtual crumpled paper into a waste basket on his iPhone. He would have done it in real life but there never seemed to be enough paper in his hotel rooms.

He didn't dream often but when he did, he dreamt of John. It had almost become habit to awaken, jerk off / take a cold shower and then proceed to scream into a pillow. The Nexus were helping but not as fast as he had hoped. He hadn't seen John yet tonight but supposedly he was planning to address the WWE Universe. This spelled trouble for the Nexus and himself. But inside, Punk knew he'd be happy to see John's face. He had become somewhat of a stalker, following John's tweets on Twitter under a fake account.

It was starting to concern him how much of an inner schoolgirl obsession he had. His not giving a shit anymore was failing and fast. But not after tonight. He had a lot in store for his team. He took his seat in the Nexus locker room. Not surprisingly, he was the first one there. The rookies seem to have a thing for being late. That or they got dragged on a snack run with Husky and Justin, who ate a lot for his size. But Punk valued the silence while it lasted. He knew these men were loud. They were powerful. And they were tough, except for Heath who was a bit of a crybaby.

_"Time to whip these men into shape."_

Punk got down to business and called each of his team members. As predicted, Husky was with Gabriel and Heath on a snack run. Otunga had just finished a work out in the gym and Mike was just getting out of his car. Punk looked at the clock. It read 6:04pm. He had actually arrived early. What was wrong with him? It didn't matter. Tonight was about beginnings. A new Nexus. A new leader. A new CM Punk.

* * *

><p>Punk sat alone, thinking about the actions he had taken tonight. The night was half over and still no sign of John. Punk felt a sense of loathing building up in his system. Not just for the lack of John's presence, but at himself as well. Sitting in his typical Indian style, he looked around at the empty space. He must be in some sort of storage room where the WWE kept various equipment and props they traveled with but rarely used. Most likely brought them around in case of a backstage fight or promo they were attempting to make wittier.<p>

The low light bouncing off of something caught his eye. He stood up and approached it, temporarily blinding himself. When Punk re-took his seating in front of the object, he finally was able to decipher its identity. A mirror.

_"What's this doing here? I'm pretty sure Rhodes dropped the whole 'dashing' thing when Mysterio broke his face..."_

He stayed still, staring into the eyes of the man in the mirror. It was a unique feeling, to look into one's eyes and see the person you had become. Punk just stared. This was who he was now.

He wasn't some young, blonde kid back in IWA. That boy who ran around with Colt Cabana and caused all kinds of mischief. Hell, they even raffled off themselves to give a woman a lapdance. This wasn't the man who ran out of an ROH event with the crowd chanting "fuck the snow," almost slipped on ice, and made snow angels in the freezing weather in his trunks. This wasn't ECW Punk. This wasn't the Straightedge Savior. This was CM Punk, leader of the new Nexus.

_"I wonder where that blonde boy went..."_

Punk looked away from the mirror. Searching his soul was painful. Although he claimed to be all together and knew who he was, at times like these he was not sure. Was he trying to convince the world...or was he trying to convince himself? He was the best wrestler in the world. But still, he felt the need to go deeper. He glanced back towards the reflective surface, looking once again into his own eyes.

"So Phillip...this is who you are now," he muttered, no longer talking inside his head. "You are a leader. You demand respect. Loyalty...and mother fucker, I sound like John!"

If the word 'hustle' had passed his lips he most likely would have put his fist through the mirror. But the fact of the matter was that it was true. Taking a deep breath, he reflected on what he had done to his new underlings.

First, Michael McGillicutty was made to be on the receiving end of a Nexus beat down. The man had taken it without much of a fight, although a little confused at first but David Otunga was quick to break the delay. Then came Harris. He was whipped with a leather strap by the members of the group. That was probably the worst for Punk. With every crack of that leather, Punk felt some frustrations leave his body. Physically beating down this man as he screamed seemed to be the only remedy for his aching heart. Of course none of his men knew that and they never would. He sent David Otunga to face the Big Show as he watched from a far. Like sending a sheep to a slaughter. He had given Heath and Justin the kendo sticks he had brought and ordered them to fight each other. They refused. Punk told them to hit him. They didn't. Those two were out. The Nexus had gone from six men to four. Better than Punk had expected. There may be hope for these rookies after all.

Punk looked at his reflection once more. For a moment he felt he was looking past his physical gaze and into his inner soul's expression. Pity.

"Stop it..." Punk muttered, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Even though Punk was talking to himself, it felt like he was looking into the eyes of an extremely different person. And this person was able to break his walls down like a house of cards. This person knew who he truly was. His strengths...and his weaknesses.

"Stop fucking looking at me like that! Who are you to judge me? This is who I am. No, who I need to be. I'm tired of being overlooked. I worked for too long to get here. I'm not about let some stupid, fucking emotions ruin everything. It doesn't matter how much I love John because he will never be mine and that's how shit plays out. I can't be with anyone! It just doesn't work."

Breathing heavily, he narrowed his eyes at his reflection. Flashes of all of the pain he had caused in one night to the Nexus flashed before his eyes. Their faces in agony. And for what? To become the strongest stable in the WWE. And then he saw John's unconscious face and he swore he saw Jeff Hardy in the mirror.

**"You're too unstable to handle yourself."**  
>"SHUT UP!"<p>

Punk grabbed a nearby hammer and threw it at the mirror, the glass shattering instantly. The shatter echoed throughout the room, eventually becoming silent once more. Punk looked down at the pool of reflective shards. This was going to be fun to clean up. Or he could just leave and pretend he didn't know a thing. His breathing slightly steadied but still kept a faster pace than usual. He was starting to think he needed serious help. But then again, who in this business didn't? All he knew was he needed to leave this room before anyone discovered him and reported him to Mr. McMahon. Punk got up slowly and walked to the door. With one final glance over his shoulder at the destruction he muttered, "Sometimes I think Orton's voices got nothing on mine."

* * *

><p>The crowd was a mix of shock, fear, and the few sarcastic assholes. Punk stood at the top of the titantron, looking at the floor below him. If anything went wrong, he was dead. John Cena had been announced to address the WWE Universe but Punk had interrupted the introduction. Tonight had been one of the most mentally tormenting nights Punk had ever experienced. He had gained three followers and had broken two other men in the process. He knew who was strong and who was weak. But now, it was time for his initiation and it was time to go big or go home. He lifted the microphone to his lips and began to speak.<p>

"My initiation will be the ultimate sacrifice."

The heartless people in the audience were chanting for him to jump. Those people were more messed up in than Punk. Punk swallowed a bit and glanced down. He was easily fifty feet in the air. Just one wrong step is all it would take to end his life. But he had confidence. Nothing was going to go wrong. That didn't mean he couldn't tease the crowd a little more.

"So should I dive off this tron? Should I break every bone in my body? Should I rupture every muscle?"

Half gasped. Half cheered.

_"What a sad world we live in..."_

The moment of truth had arrived. He opened his arms and closed his eyes. Everything was dark and silent. There was no WWE universe. There was no tron. Punk just slowly counted to ten. His eyes cracked open and it all came flooding back. He couldn't help but burst out into loud, almost obnoxious laughter.

"How gullible are all of you?" He continued to laugh while lifting his shirt. "I'm wearing a harness!" The audience booed at the sight of the yellow safety device. He had single handedly initiated the entire WWE universe in a matter of seconds.

_"Score 1 for the best in the world!"_

He couldn't believe that people actually thought he would do something like that without protection. Punk was safer up there than any of the audience in their seats.

"What kind of idiot jumps off the tron?"  
><em>"The CEO's son for one..."<em>

Punk was helped down to level ground with the assistance of the crew. The Nexus was there waiting for him. "You've got some balls, dude." Otunga commented. Punk smirked at him. "It was nothing." He replied, giving Husky a high five. They walked towards the ring, surrounded by more sarcastic remarks. Punk found it very entertaining. "There has never been a thought in my mind to jump off the tron. I don't need your approval." No matter what he said, people found it a need to mock him with the one name he was trying to knock out of his head.

**"Cena! Cena! Cena!"**

Punk sighed and looked around. The world really knew how to push his buttons. The last thing he wanted was for John to come out here and confront him. Still, the crowd chanted his name. Time to play the asshole once more.

"Cena? John Cena? John Cena is no longer here. I got rid of him, ladies and gentlemen."

And then a voice echoed through the arena that cut Punk off like no other.

"But I'm right here. I'm right over here."

Punk's head whipped towards the entrance faster than a dog who heard his food box being shook. There was John. Well, in a way. This explained why Punk hadn't seen him all night. He wasn't here. He was on the titantron...via satellite.

_"That seems to be the growing trend. Become the face of the company and more of your addresses come via satellite..."_

"I'm on that big screen you almost jumped off of."

Punk felt a bit embarrassed by that, although he wasn't sure why. The next thing Punk knew, John was calling him a bunch of words to describe his personality.

"You're gutless. Tasteless. Worthless. Spineless. Classless."

"_Did he swallow a thesaurus or something?"_

"Your cronies are pants less."

Punk looked at his men that were all looking down at their trunks as the WAW universe laughed. John always had a knack for making funny comments; some were often out of left field but nonetheless. John continued to pick Punk apart but he was too busy just looking at John's face. He knew this emotional rehab of his was going bad. He missed seeing John's face. He tuned back in when he heard John mention something about initiation.

"One member who I have not been able to initiate. That's you, CM Sucks."

"_You have no idea…"_

Punk stood there and looked at the screen. Did John just challenge him to a match? Did he really think that just because he beat Barrett's Nexus meant he could beat his? Even more, cause the best in the world to back down?

"I'm not afraid of you John."

"Prove it. Next week, CM sucks faces John Cena in a match."

"_This could be either very good or very bad…"_

John smirked at Punk. Punk couldn't help but smile as John continued on, talking about a match between the two of them next week. Whatever forces existed in the universe were testing him but if he wanted to make a paycheck, his choice was obvious.

"Next week?"

"Yes, you and me in a match."

Punk breathed deeply, before he spoke what his mind was going crazy to say.

"I accept."

"Good. I was hoping you would."

The audience went nuts and inside Punk was too. It had been a long time since he actually had been in the ring with John. John seemed pleased with Punk's answer. It almost made Punk wonder why. Was there some motive behind this? John spoke only once more before Punk was completely lost in the Bostonian's eyes.

"If you provoke me…I am the most animalistic, brutal, violent, physical man on the planet. You get dealt with."

Punk looked so lost in thought at that moment. He knew he should be portraying someone of confidence and leadership but he couldn't. His mind was thinking about John. One week from that night, he would face John one on one. Just the two of them.

"_I must really hate myself."_

* * *

><p>~Thank you SO much for the reviews! The plot thickens! And for a fun fact, that lapdance thing was true! Just look here: <span>.comwatch?v=hQPEpgObLLs. Reviews please. ENJOY!~


	4. Ain't No Rest for the Wicked

**Oh my god the subscription / favorites / reviews are overwhelming! Thank you all so much! I'm sorry it took so long to update, I had a felony to deal with -_-' ANYWAY, here it is!**

**And remember…well you know it by now!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 4: Ain't No Rest for the Wicked<strong>

* * *

><p>It had been a rough week for Punk. He was anticipating his match with John but at the same time, dreading it. It had been a long time since they had had a one on one encounter. His heart was all a flutter. His mind was terrified. And his groin was constantly alive when he thought about John pinning him. He was starting to think that masturbating as often as he needed to was becoming extremely unhealthy, although it saved him from doing some curls at the gym. He had been able to go home for a few days. He had seen his mom who had scolded him for hanging out with the wrong crowd once again. Not taking into account his age, he was being "disciplined for beating up the other children for no reason." He had been forced to clean his apartment. Not the best way to spend his day off but at least he got to spend some time with Colt Cabana at night.<p>

Although the Nexus seemed to like Punk, he didn't really consider them friends. They wanted to spend time with him. The feeling wasn't mutual. He watched his foot move back and forth on his table as Colt was swearing his head off next to him. Apparently playing Call of Duty with middle school kids merited this behavior. Punk wasn't much of a gamer but out of all the systems, the Playstation 3 was the best use of his money. Blu-ray and Netflix were its main uses. He had a few games but nothing ridiculous, except Little Big Planet. "These fucking kids are cheats!" Colt yelled, throwing the controller down centimeters from Punk's thigh. Punk couldn't help but laugh. His longtime friend got worked up too easily. Punk would handle things with a level head or half assed it if it was something Colt tricked him into. Colt always went over the top with everything. They could go to the bathroom together (which was always weird) and Colt would make a scene somehow.

"Wow, Colt. You just jobbed to an 8 year old. You're slipping."

Colt gave Punk a glare as he took a long sip of Pepsi. "At least I'm trying. Why don't you give it a shot?" He asked, waving the controller in Punk's face. Punk instantly shot it away.

"I'm fine. I just wanna sit and watch something and that includes you getting your ass handed to you by a kid."

Colt sighed, switching over to Netflix. He started to browse the categories before deciding to talk again. "So, you're fighting John, huh? Good luck hiding your boner." He smirked.

WHOMP!

Colt groaned and instantly grabbed the side of his head. Punk's foot was still in the air, ready to strike again if Colt was dumb enough to make another stupid comment and there was a good chance of that happening. "I'm sorry, Colt, I couldn't hear you over the sound of my foot hitting your thick skull. Care to repeat it?" Punk smirked.

"No...seriously! Jesus fucking Christ, Phil, that hurt! It was a joke!"

_"I got him calling me by my name now...well, well, well." _

Punk decided he could lower his leg for now. He was much faster than Colt could ever be so he wasn't worried about kicking his face in again. He wasn't usually a sensitive person but certain topics were off limits under literal pain of death. Colt continued to rub his face, as he thought over his choice of words before we spoke.

"But in all seriousness, are you gonna be ready for Monday?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well let's see the last person you liked in the WWE was Jeff, right?"

"...yup."

Colt took a second to gather his thoughts. He didn't want to get kicked in the face again. "Well, you said that before and you ended up beating the holy hell out of him. Is that really what you want to go through again?" Punk said nothing. Colt had made a good point. Why would situation be any different? Punk shook his head.

"It's not gonna happen. It's different this time. I think my attraction to Jeff was that he was everything I hated. It intrigued me."

"Weirdo…"

Punk raised his foot, ready to strike if his "friend" adding anything else insulting to that statement. Colt put his hands up in defense.

"But John doesn't make me feel like that. I smile just being in his presence. He's on my mind constantly. Jeff was just a passing thought."

Colt said nothing. He just listened.

"_For once he's quiet. I should have tried this years ago."_

"That's honestly all I have to say. You don't need to worry about me. I've been in this situation before and I learned from it. I won't make the same mistake twice."

Colt reached over and patted Punk's head.

"_What am I? A dog now?"_

"I hope so, buddy. I don't want to see you upset again. I don't think I can afford to keep buying you ice cream as you cry and eat for a week."

WHOMP! WHOMP!

"_Beware of dog."_

* * *

><p>It seemed all too soon when Monday had arrived. In the shower that morning, tonight had been plaguing his mind so much that he fell getting out and gotten a slight black and blue eye. It wasn't the worse injury ever and if anyone asked, he got in a fight. Punk had actually made it to the arena at a decent time for once and surprisingly, so had his men. The Nexus guys were buzzing with anticipation for their leader's match tonight. At one point, they were talking about the awesomeness that was CM Punk and then they had to say the one name that had been on Punk's mind for the past week.<p>

"…and I saw Cena check in here earlier."

Punk looked up at Harris. It was nice to know that John was here but why did it seem that they constantly brought up his name just to annoy him or jump start a part of him that he didn't want starting up. Although he would never admit it to them. Mike tapping his shoulder brought him out of his thoughts. Suddenly there was a 2 liter of Pepsi in his line of vision.

"What's this?"

"Pepsi, boss. Your favorite." Mike explained with a smile. Punk took the bottle and realized that they had bought it just for him. Granted that Pepsi was in no way expensive but it was still a nice gesture. "Oh. Thank you." Punk said, placing it next to his bag. The travel agent made his way into their room to inform him about his match with Cena being the main event, as if he didn't know that already. No matter. Punk instructed the rest of the Nexus to rest up and do something until the show started, short of staying out of trouble.

"Meet in the viewing bay when the show starts."

The men all nodded and raised their arms in their loyal pledge.

"_I wonder if this is how Hitler felt." _

* * *

><p>It was three minutes until Raw went live. The camera crews were allowing various audience members a chance to get their posters up on the titantron. It was a kick for the people who may not get on TV or were not in the general viewing area of the cameras. Punk had always gotten a kick out of some of the things people would write. Some were the typical WWE branded slogans. A bunch were "I heart (insert name here)" or "Marry me, (insert name here.)" Punk had seen a few of those for him but he was in no way interested. Just because a sign tells you to do something doesn't mean you do it and if he did plan to marry someone, it would not be some fan girl.<p>

The opening video played and the pyrotechnics ignited. In never ceased to amaze Punk how clearly he could hear them from backstage. He almost felt bad for the people that had seats close to the stage. They must have been going blind or deaf.

"_The night is off to a very typical start." _

And it seemed like the universe had been waiting for Punk to think a thought like that just so it could kick him in the ass and say "Nope!" The music changed from Nickelback to an all too familiar song. It was John's theme. It didn't surprise Punk that John couldn't wait to greet the WWE universe. However, not the entire Universe seemed happy to see him. John didn't care. Punk couldn't help but smile as his opponent for the night walked on screen. No matter how tough he wanted to act, Punk's inner child was acting like a schoolgirl.

It didn't take John very many words to drop his name. Apparently it was in John's New Year's resolution to take care of "the world's most deranged psychopath:" Punk.

His men seemed to be getting worked up at the names John was calling him. Punk was laughing on the inside.

"_I really don't think I'm that evil…but what genius isn't."_

Even more so, John Cena was calling him out right then. He didn't want to wait until the main event apparently. But John would have to wait because the music that played next wasn't Punk's. It was that of the WWE champion and his dopey sidekick: The Miz and Alex Riley. "This could be interesting." David commented. Punk nodded. "Hey, boss. Are we gonna go out there?" Harris asked. Punk thought about it. "Let's wait and see what happens." Punk replied, without really thinking. He wanted to delay seeing John as long as possible. The conversation continued between the two men, talking about Wrestlemania and what it sounded like. John made it a point to mention a name that got under Punk's skin: Randy Orton. Punk had a history with the Viper that he had never settled. It was on his list of things to do but it never seemed to have a good enough opportunity.

"_For once, I want John to shut up…I guess I'll have to do it before I start hoping that the Miz will kick his ass."_

Punk stood up and looked towards his men. "I've had enough of this meaningless BS. John thinks he can mention our match once and then go on about everything else like I'm not important? Hell no." His men nodded and stood up with him, following their leader towards the stage. Punk had his music cued up and in less than a minute, "This Fire Burns" was playing through the entire arena instantly met with a sea of boos. As Punk stepped into the arena, he could tell he had come at a convenient time for Miz. John looked like he was going to beat the shit out of him.

Punk stood for a second, just looking at John. He had to blink a few times to make sure he was seeing the real John Cena and it wasn't a dream like he had had during the week. But it was real. John was here. Punk shut his eyes and took a deep breath before lifting the microphone to his lips.

"Miz, you do not have to explain yourself to the jerk, John Cena. Miz, you are Champion. John Cena is not."

Punk noticed that he had to take deep breathes as he stared down John. Taking moments to breathe were so demanding that he felt his lungs would collapse under the pressure. He was brought back to that morning when he fell and his eye was starting to ache. Luckily, if he fell here, there wasn't anything to hit his eye on.

"John Cena, you will not be WWE Champion. As Miz stated, there are 40 participants in the Royal Rumble match. That makes your odds worse than they have ever been and if you take into consideration that I am in the Royal Rumble match with every member of Nexus."

Punk took another deep breath.

"Your odds of winning go from slim to a big, fat zero."

The Nexus nodded. Punk knew that his men would guarantee his victory. No one, not even John Cena would keep him from taking his rightful place as WWE Champion. He had worked so hard. Now, it would finally happen. John smirked at him. He was testing what Punk said. Punk couldn't help but feel a bit annoyed and flattered at the same time. _"Stop looking at me like that."_ Punk took another deep breath. This had to end.

"Can't wait to see you take on these odds."

Punk nodded at the men that stood quietly behind him. The men nodded and started to walk towards the ring. Punk knew they wouldn't destroy John, just rough him up a bit. As the men got closer and closer, Punk noticed that the Miz and Riley had slipped out of sight somehow. Typical Miz. It almost seemed as a foresight for his career. Punk shrugged, as he watch his men surround the ring.

Suddenly, Punk heard faint footsteps behind him. They got closer and closer and before Punk knew it, two figures were charging the ring. At first, Punk was clueless but then he couldn't help but place his face in the palm of his hand as he realized it was Santino and Koslov. As they cleared the ring of his men, Punk noticed that John was looking right at him. Punk felt lost in those eyes. He wasn't sure what emotion was present on his face but he didn't really care. John's eyes seemed like they were testing him. Testing him to get in the ring. Punk's mind started to run with images of himself and John that could come to fruition later that night. Punk's men were suddenly around him and asking for guidance.

Punk called for a huddle. "What do we do, boss?" Mike asked. "What do Italians and Russians have to do with Cena?" Harris asked. David smacked him upside the head. "That's what you are thinking about? They just need attention! That's all." He explained. Punk sighed, looking at his men. He had been looking right through them to stare at John whose eyes were still on him.

"Let's try this again. This time I'm coming with you."

The group dispersed and turned to face the ring. Punk raised his microphone once more, keeping eye contact with John. "You wanna play games, Cena?" Punk asked, "Let's see you take on these odds!" And with that, the new Nexus stormed towards the ring. Punk's eyes never left John's. John's did the same. Punk wasn't sure what was going on between them but it was making him excited and terrified at the same time. It seemed like a blessing in disguise when the lights started blinking, indicating that a higher power wanted to protect the main event.

"_It's about damn time."_

His men started to look around, as if they expected to see someone. Punk honestly knew what the anonymous Raw GM was going to say. All Punk could do was look at John, whose eyes were still on him. He was trying to wrap his brain around it. John looked intense. It was sexy and Punk had to think of almost a hundred turn offs to keep his cool. As Michael Cole read what he predicted, he saw his men start to panic.

"Boss, can he do that?"

"What are gonna do?"

"That's bullshit!"

Punk didn't answer them. He was too busy looking at John who was now giving him a devious smile. John knew that he had Punk all to himself now. Deep down, Punk was slightly worried. It would have been easier with his men by his side but Punk didn't need them. The world would end tonight in Punk's mind. No outside interference. No Nexus. Just Punk and John.

"_Tonight…it's all over."_

* * *

><p>Punk walked into their locker room after a long walk around the back stage area to clear his head. He wasn't sure who was in control right now, his brain or his heart but he knew which one needed to be. If he let his heart win the battle tonight, his inner war was over and he might as well quit right now. Even though it was over an hour into the broadcast, the trio was still abuzz about what the GM had said. Punk was even more annoyed than he had been earlier.<p>

"_Do they really think I need them that much? That I'm incapable of handling myself ?"_

"Seriously, guys. This isn't an issue." Punk shrugged. His men turned to their leader with a look of confusion. Punk knelt to the ground like he did during his entrance and motioned for his men to take a seat. For the moment, he imagined he was talking to three versions of himself. He needed this pep talk more than anything but he knew these men were not capable of such things.

"Faith…faith…faith…"

Then men gave him a look for repeating the same word three times. Punk's mind had gone blank for a moment.

"_Don't choke up now!"_

"One must have humility to truly possess faith. One must be willing to sacrifice their all…to bow before the temptations of the blood thirsty."

"_I sound like some third rate evangelist…"_

The men watched Punk as he took a breath to continue, "And to truly sacrifice, the soul must be truly sanctified."

"_I need to clean myself of these emotions."_

"Millions of voices of the undead will ring out with the heart and soul of the man beast. Such are…but a few are the qualities of loyalty."

Punk lowered his head, as did his men.

"_I must be loyal to myself. Tonight, I'll defeat John. And then…this will all end."_

* * *

><p><strong>OMG again SO sorry it took so long to update. I half the next chapter ½ written already so it should be up soon! Reviews please =D<strong>


	5. Shape of My Heart

And here's another update! I'm SOOOOO sorry I haven't had time to update. I've had a lot to deal with. I'll go into that more later! Here's the next chapter.

* * *

><p>Chapter 5: Shape of My Heart<p>

* * *

><p>Punk paced back and forth behind the entranceway. He was nervous but determined at the same time. He was experiencing deja vu. He had felt this way before his TLC match with Jeff Hardy a few years before. That was when he killed his feelings for Jeff. Tonight in a normal match between him and John, the past would repeat itself. The Nexus stood quietly behind him. Even though they were not allowed to be ringside, they still insisted on following their leader to the ring. Suddenly, the theme that set his blood afire played throughout the arena.<p>

_"Show time."_

Punk started to walk into the entrance way, his men's footsteps closely behind him. He stepped out from behind the curtain and into the WWE universe. This must have been a pro-John crowd because he was instantly it with a sea of boos and 'you suck'. He stood in the middle of the stage and just looked around. His men lined up behind him and stayed silent. Despite how they were backstage, they were disciplined when needed and if not, they knew the kind of pain that their leader could unleash on them.

He walked by each of his men slowly, testing to see if they would break their focus straight ahead. As he walked man to man, none of them did. They were focused on the ring that their leader would enter and show them the true meaning of faith. He turned towards that center point and started to walk towards it. As he entered the ring, he overheard Michael Cole talk about what he had done to his Nexus members the week before. Punk stood in the ring, looking towards the entrance way.

_"I have to stay focused." _

Punk started to slap his face, hoping that would help. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, as if millions of people were not watching him. He was attempting to calm himself and go to his happy place. Right now, he was Batman, about to take down Superman. He exhaled and slowly opened his olive eyes and looked at the empty entrance. A few moments passed and still no sign of John.

"Come on!"

Punk could only hope that he wouldn't show up. His hopes were not met. After a few more seconds, John's theme was playing throughout the arena. The crowd went crazy, especially the women and children. Punk heard John's voice in the song and tried to ignore it. Rap was never his favorite genre but he would be lying if he said this song in particular was not on his iPhone. Out from behind that curtain, came the object of his affection. John looked as happy as ever. And why wouldn't he be? He was back in the job that he loved. That he lived and breathed for. Not that Punk didn't feel the same; there was just something about that smile as he looked at the WWE Universe that wanted it more. With a skip and a jump, John charged the ring and slid into Punk's territory.

John gave him a look of seriousness and then did his traditional running of the ropes. Punk only saw half of it because he was too busy whipping his shirt off. He looked like an animal stalking his prey but the prey was too busy looking around. Punk felt his body involuntarily move forward. He wanted his hands on John now but the referee stood in his way. It was probably a good thing too. John continued to walk around, noting Punk's movements and his aggression. John removed his shirt as well and Punk couldn't help but feel something twitch, drowning out the sounds of women screaming. Punk gripped the ropes, consciously trying to keep his body from going forward.

_"Must. Find. Way. To. Calm. Self." _

Punk started doing lunges in the corner, his hands never leaving the ropes. He almost seemed to be running in place. John didn't seem bothered by it. He turned away from Punk and threw up his hands that signaled hustle, loyalty, and respect. Punk let go of the ropes and stood tall. This was it. He heard the bell ring, and readied himself for the hardest battle he had to face in a long time. Slowly, they started walking towards each other. John looked around at the WWE Universe as Punk drew closer. Slowly, his eyes were met by John's, as John continued to walk forward. Punk did the same, feeling as if he had 1,000lbs weights on his feet. Soon enough, they were inches from each other.

"You ready, Punk?"

"For what?"

"To get your ass handed to you."

Punk laughed.

"I see what you're doing. Trying to get in my head won't work on me."

"Good point. There's too much shit in the way."

Punk had had it with this stalling. Punk wound up and punched Cena right in the jaw. The Chicago Native smirked but it was cut short when the Bostonian came back even harder, landing numerous blows. Before Punk knew it, he was in a corner. A second later he felt his body being thrown across the ring, his back meeting another set of padded turnbuckles. Padded or not they still hurt. Punk let out a cry of pain. Suddenly, he felt his head being yanked and his face met the canvas. His hands instantly flew up to his face to hold his aching nose. Luckily, he didn't feel as if anything was broken.

Within a second, John tackled him to the ground and started hammering away. Punk tried to protect himself. John was like a lion unleashed from his cage. No mercy was given. Although he was trying to fight back, part of him was excited. He enjoyed a challenge. He started to roll away but John was right on top of him. Within a few seconds, his face met the turnbuckle. At this rate, he would have a broken nose by the end of the night. He looked up just in time to see (and feel) John's fist connect into his stomach.

"_Fuck that hurt…"_

And after the punch to the side of the head, Punk was cowering in the corner. John continued to stalk him, moving back and forth until another Punk connected with Punk's side. He collapsed in the corner, pain filled moans escaped Punk's mouth. He seemed to luck out because the referee pushed John back, allowing Punk time to try and tell his body not to give out on him already. Being the prey was something he was used to but for some reason, it was starting to turn him on when John man handled him. There was only one corner left that Punk hadn't touched and he knew he was destined for it. John picked him up and flung him across the ring once more. Punk's sternum crashed into the turnbuckle and he fell back, gripping his inked chest. He heard John's feet moving back and forth as he stalked him. Punk shook his head, trying to regain his bearings.

"_What's wrong with me? Why am I letting myself get destroyed like this? I've never seen John act this way before." _

His thoughts were broken up when John clubbed him over the back of his head once again. It was soon followed by another and another. It felt like he was back in grammar school when the children would beat him for being different. John wasn't like one of those kids but it still didn't keep Punk from feeling that way. He laid there on the ground holding his head. He had a headache and he doubted that it was going away any time soon.

The next thing he knew, John was pinning him. He may have been caught off guard but he wasn't going down that easy. He was able to kick out after the first count. It took more effort than it should have but he still managed to do it. Punk stumbled to his feet. He was forced to grab the closest set of ropes for the support he desperately needed. John was right on him and Punk went flying across the ring. It seemed only a second before he hit the other set of ropes and came back towards a bent over John. He may be sore but he wasn't stupid.

"_Don't count me out so easily!"_

Punk brought up his leg and kicked John across the chest. It took a lot out of him but at least he could force some space between John and himself. Punk fell to his knees and his eyes stated to cloud over. Everything started to blur together and he would go in and out of where he was in the match.

* * *

><p>The match was severely messing with Punk's head and heart. He was suddenly dominating. Next thing he knew John's head was in between his legs (which was a severe misjudgment on his part, but his brain seemed to enjoy sending interesting messages to his groin). And then John was dominating again. And then again John's head was between his legs. No matter what Punk did, Cena wasn't giving up. Punk's mind was continuing to torture him. He wasn't sure what happened but suddenly, they were both on the ground. Punk's thoughts were all he had to hold onto. He had no idea how John had managed to kick out all those times, but he did.<p>

"_Why the fuck is this so difficult? I don't think I have any energy left…I need to put him to sleep! I need to get in control! Why am I losing sight of everything? I keep blacking out for Christ sake! Wait…what's that noise? Why is the crowd making those sounds when we are both down?"_

His thoughts got their answers. He looked up to see John standing face to face with a man he did not recognize. His body leapt into action and he kicked John in the side of the head, both men falling to the ground. Punk's breathing got heavier. John was down and seemed to be staying that way because Punk knew how hard he had kicked. There was a lot of force in his small legs. Punk looked up into the eyes of the mystery man who was entering the ring. Punk couldn't help but smile and lick his lips as he made it to his feet.

"_I don't know who you are…but I know what you want." _

Punk opened his arms and waited to see what would happen. Within seconds, a very large boot crashed into his face. His face hit the mat hard and the Nexus leader let out a cry of pain.

"_Didn't think that through…nope."_

He heard his men run towards the ring and crowd around the man, attempting to help Punk to his feet and yelling at the mystery man. They were ready to beat the living hell out of him but Punk realized that that could not happen. "Wait, stop! Let him go! BACK UP!" Punk yelled, pushing clear a path for his eyes to see the man whose foot he just became acquainted with. As Punk was helped to his feet, he saw the man looking into his eyes. They exchanged glances for a while before the man slowly kneeled down in front of him, never breaking eye contact. The man gave Punk a smile and rose one of his arms. He waited for Punk to place an armband on his tan skin. Punk smiled that devilish smirk of his and pulled a Nexus armband from his kick pad. Still fighting to catch his breath, he slid the armband up the mystery man's arm.

Punk had gained another Nexus member. He didn't know who he was but frankly he didn't care. The fact that someone willingly came to him, proved themselves (even if it was by kicking him in the face), and was practically begging to be a follower of his proved one thing: he was a born leader. It had happened with the Straight Edge Society and now it was happening with Nexus. Punk smiled at the muscular man on his knees before him. But it was only temporary.

He looked past the man to see John on the walkway. He was holding his arm and staring right into Punk's eyes. His eyes narrowed into a glare when he confirmed the Straight Edge Savior was looking. Punk felt his smile leave his face and inadvertently took a small step back. John looked pissed. It finally hit Punk hard like the chairs off of Barrett's head. John thought it had been a set up.

_"But I...I didn't..." _

John was soon gone from sight, most likely headed back to his locker room. Punk remorsefully turned back to his team and faked a smile. He raised his arm in the typical Nexus pose as did his men. But inside, Punk was fighting with himself about what he should do.

* * *

><p>Punk left the men in their locker room to meet and get to know the new member of the team. Apparently his name was Mason Ryan from FCW, but Punk didn't really care. He almost ran from the room to find John's locker room. Luckily, he only had to go through one travel agent to get his answer. He quickly made his way to John's room, grabbing the door handle. Momentarily, he froze. He could turn around right now and walk away. This is what he wanted. John would now be out of his way. He could forget about him.<p>

_"I have to set things straight..." _

Punk twisted the knob and opened the door. At first, he thought the room was empty. Not a single noise could be heard as Punk scanned the room. But the sudden sight of a certain figure with a towel on his head caused him to jump.

"You know they have this magical thing called knocking. Otherwise it's considered very rude to barge into someone's room."

Punk averted his eyes from John. He probably should have knocked but his heart, brain, and body were all on different pages right now. "At least step in and close the door." John spat, tossing the towel in a nearby hamper. Punk did as he was told. John took a seat on the bench and started rustling through his bag of clothes. It was almost as if Punk didn't exist at the moment, or at least was not present. Punk just couldn't help but stare. He had no idea what to say.

_"Why did I do this to myself? What was I thinking...or right, I didn't. Didn't I? Nope..."_

"So what do you want?"

John's voice pulled Punk out of his thoughts. Punk gave John a dumbfounded look, causing John to turn away from him and continue pulling his shirt on. Punk mentally kicked himself and realized that he better start talking soon.

"I just…wanted to let you know that I had nothing to do with that guy attacking you."

"Bullshit."

Punk was taken aback by John's cursing. "Give me one reason I should believe you." John barked. "Because it's the truth! I really planned to face you one on one!" Punk explained, although it felt like pleading. "Yea right! You haven't done anything like that in the last fucking month. All you've done is make my life miserable. A living hell! And for no reason! What did I ever do to you?" John yelled. Punk said nothing, mainly because there was nothing he could say. Punk looked at the floor, like a child being scolded for having done something wrong. He thought he had made the right choices. He was wrong.

"_There's nothing I can say. Other than apologizing…"_

"I'm sorry."

Before Punk could even blink, John was across the room and had Punk pinned against the wall. The Bostonian's eyes were filled with rage.

"You're sorry? That's all you can say? You took my job away from me for a month! You attacked me numerous times. You join up with the group that tortured me for months before that! I don't get you! Why do you hate me so much?"

Now Punk was mad. If there was one thing he hated being accused of, it was being a liar. In one motion, Punk's hands came up between them and shoved John backwards – almost to the ground.

"That's not true! I don't hate you!"

"Then why aren't you man enough to face me?"

"Hey! I am man enough to face you!"

"Then what the hell is your problem?"

"Maybe I'm in love with you, alright?"

John's face dropped. Punk's hand rushed up to cover his mouth but he knew it was too late. In the heat of the moment, Punk had let out the one thing he fought so hard to keep in. The Chicago native felt his knees go weak. He leaned against the wall for support.

"_No…why did I…" _

He saw John turn around and place his hand on the back of his head. "You," Punk heard him start, "like me?" Punk didn't say anything. He wanted to play it off as a joke but there was no way John would believe that. If anything, it would look even more suspicious. All he could do was deflect his emotions with sarcasm and asshole like tendencies.

"Yea, yea, laugh it up! CM Punk is in love with John Cena."

Somehow, it felt a bit relieving to finally admit to it. He just never thought he would be saying it to John's face. John still refused to look at him. In fact, he had distanced himself and taken a seat on the bench. The two men were silent. Surprisingly, it was John who broke the silence.

"How long?"

"How long what?"

John patted the seat next to him as he spoke, "How long have you…liked me?" At first Punk's body didn't want to move but after John motioned again for Punk to take a seat next to him, the Chicago native gave in. He slowly lowered himself down next to John, who still refused to connect eyes with him.

"_Guess there is no use in hiding it now."_

Punk took a deep breath and started what could be his last conversation with John or in the WWE for that matter.

"About two months. It started off as nothing really. A passing thought at most. But slowly, it started to become more. I found myself constantly staring at you, just to see if we'd connect eyes. I'd watch you in the ring and wonder how it is that you do what you do. People hate you for no reason. Some boo you when you enter an arena. And yet, you smile. That smile that could cure every disease in the world with the warm feelings it spreads through people. You love what you do, no matter what. I found that attractive more than anything, even though I'm very intrigued by your exterior as well. But I knew we could never be. So…I had to force myself away from you. Even if that meant joining up with the people you hate more than anything. I really did want it to be just us tonight. To prove to myself I could handle it. But I guess…whatever his name is had other plans."

John said nothing. Silence enveloped the room once more. The cards were on the table, as well as Punk's guts. As the minutes passed, Punk found himself fighting back tears as he looked up at the ceiling. It was all over but it was slowly killing him as he waited for John to say something. It didn't matter how devastating it was going to be. It needed to happen and get it over with but for some reason, it didn't. He suddenly noticed John was standing.

"_Here it comes."_

But it didn't. John reached down and took his gym bag in his hand. Time seemed to slow down as Punk watched John hoist the bag over his shoulder and walk towards the door. Upon reaching the handle, he stopped. He turned slightly and looked back into Punk's moist eyes. It was only for a few seconds, and then he turned away.

Out the door. Out of Punk's sight. Only leaving a man with tears slowly falling down his face.

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><p>AWWW Poor Punk! Don't you just want to hug him? Stay tuned for more! Reviews please =D I'm so SORRY it took so long. If you have read my bio page, I am a wrestler myself and we had a huge event Saturday so the weeks leading up to that were hectic! Hopefully I can put out the next chapter soon! I am trying to stay away from writing the matches in detail because that is the style of a few other writers so I don't want to step into their territory.<p> 


	6. How to Save a Life

**THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS! They keep me going! XD And if you love Punk and John like I do, feel free to follow me on Tumblr! (check my profile for my Social Media options).**

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><p>Punk heard his apartment door being opened. Not by force but via use of a key. There weren't many people who had a copy of his key. He was hoping it wasn't his mother. Not in the mood to deal with her. The door opened, followed by the sound of footsteps. No voice though. The steps grew closer. Punk turned over and popped his head out to see a certain funny man in the doorway, giving him a look.<p>

"What do you want, Colt?"

Colt laughed, coming into the room.

"That's not a very nice welcome."

"I'm not a nice person."

"You haven't been answering your cell phone."

Punk's eyes looked around. His cell phone wasn't on his bedside table or the chair in the corner charging. "I honestly have no idea where it is." He muttered. Colt sighed and looked around the room. He would try to call it but he suspected it was on silent or else Punk would have a clue as to its whereabouts. But it could be anywhere amongst the empty bottles of Pepsi and various food containers. "You need a maid." Colt commented. Punk snorted in response. Colt sighed and looked at his longtime friend.

"You've been home for four days. A rare occurrence and yet no one has heard from you. No calls, texts, or tweets."

Punk just gave him a blank stare. "If I haven't communicated it in any sort of way, how did you know about it?" It was a good question.

"Your mom called me. She was worried so she asked me to come by."

_"God forbid she could do it herself..."_

His mother was so kind at times. He could have been murdered and his own mother would send someone else to check in on her little boy. Colt started to play Frogger with the trash as he approached the bed. "So what happened? What's wrong?" Punk turned over, "Nothing. I'm fine." He felt the bed dip as Colt took a seat on it.

"Come on, dude, I know you better than that. You do this every time you get really upset."

"No, I don't." Punk replied, still keeping his back turned. "Um, yes, you do. You lock yourself away in your room, drink too much soda and eat nothing but take out. And even worse, you leave it a huge mess. I haven't seen it this bad since we saw the Catwoman movie." Colt explained. Punk turned slightly and hissed in response.

"We do not speak of that movie! You know that!"

Colt laughed at his friend's response. Punk sighed and once again turned away.

"Come on, dude. Tell me what happened. It must have been something big..."

There was silence for a good minute as Punk contemplated telling in. In the end, he figured it might help to talk about it.

"I...confessed to John..."

Colt didn't say anything at first. Honestly, what could he say? He knew about his friend's feelings for John but since their last talk, he was sure his friend was over him. Punk had always been one to hide his bisexuality, fearing that would hurt his wrestling career. Slowly, very slowly, he had started to express his attraction to men. He never dated one before because when it came to men, it was all about feelings and not looks as it seemed with women. Based on his reaction, he assumed the result hadn't been what Punk wanted. "Oh...what did he say?" Colt asked.

Punk turned over, only from his eyes up were visible.

"He didn't really say anything. He left after asking me how long I had felt that way. My guess is that he was so disgusted with me that he couldn't bear to hear me talk about it any longer than he did. I came home and haven't heard about it or from him since. I was convinced he'd go to Mr. McMahon and I'd either have to stay away from him or be fired."

Colt let out a small laugh. Punk slipped under his blanket in response. "Some friend you are..." Colt patted his shoulder through the blanket.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. They won't fire you. Your contract is up in July."

"True..."

Punk had thought about that once or twice. If things were so bad, he could always leave in July if he hadn't recovered by then. He didn't want to think about that pain at the moment. All he wanted was to be left alone. He knew Colt was just worried about him but he didn't want people to worry about him. He was a man who could handle his own life. At least, he thought he could. He felt Colt's hand squeeze his shoulder lightly through his blanket.

"I don't know what to say, buddy. Time heals all wounds. If you were anyone else, I'd say 'fuck him' and get you drunk."

Punk couldn't help but laugh at that one.

"There we go. I do have one thing to ask you though. Come on out from under there."

_"You make me sound like I'm four." _

Punk sat up in his bed, finally exposing his inked chest to daylight for the first time in over twelve hours.

"What is it? And no, I didn't try to kiss him."

Colt laughed. "Naw, you aren't the initiative type when it comes to that stuff," He patted Punk's head, "Why did you take over Nexus? Aren't they the people who beat you and John up last year?" Punk looked at Colt, running a hand through his hair. He thought most people had forgotten he had been a victim of the first Nexus attack. The main victim had been John; he had been off to the side with Luke.

"I thought people forgot about that...honestly, I don't know. I guess if I surrounded myself with people who needed me, I wouldn't need to feel needed by John."

Colt couldn't help but giggle. Punk gave him a 'not an appropriate time to laugh' look. "Don't look at me like that. It's ironically funny. You are pretty cute when you are unsure." Colt smiled, playfully punching Punk's cheek. Punk smiled, but only a little. He was happy he had friends like Colt or he would quite possibly go insane. Well, more insane than he already considered himself.

"Now get up, take a shower but god knows you need it-"

"Hey! It's not tha-"

"Yes. Yes, it is. Just take a shower. I'll clean up this shit and we'll go get you a new comic book or two."

Punk thought about it for a minute.

"And a new action figure?" He tested, with a raised eyebrow. Colt sighed, "Give an inch and you take a mile...sure, why no-" And just like that, Punk rushed from bed and into his bathroom.

_"All the motivation I need."_

* * *

><p>Punk walked with Colt into the local comic book shop. Punk hadn't been there in some time but traveling the country and sometimes the world caused that. However, his first stop was always the same: the new arrivals. Colt was too distracted by the cute girl behind the counter to follow. Punk took note that she must have been hired recently because Colt was in here at least every other week and must have never seen her face before. Punk heard the rustling of boxes and papers he could only assume were coming from behind the desk.<p>

"Hey there, sweetie. Need any help?"

"_Leave it to Colt to hit on a girl by offering manual labor."_

The girl laughed in response. At least it was a sound of amusement and not the slap of her hand hitting his face. "Thank you, white knight." She replied, "That would be appreciated since these boxes are kind of heavy and there are a lot of them." Colt nodded and grabbed one of the boxes from behind the counter. Punk hoped that the girl's boss or even worse her boyfriend would not walk in and see this pathetic attempt at getting a date any time soon. Punk flipped through the new arrival bin as he heard the ripping of cardboard and packaging tape.

"No way! Wrestling action figures in a comic book shop?"

"_You have to be fucking kidding me…"_

The girl let out an amused noise. "I know, right? Wrestling is big with comic nerds apparently."

"Do you like wrestling?"

"Not at all. Well that's sorta a lie. I totally dig John Cena!"

Punk shook his head, trying to force his ears to stop eavesdropping on the conversation. That name was not one he wanted to hear right now. Luckily, the girl had no idea that two wrestlers were in the very same room as her. "So…you don't know anything about wrestling at all?" Colt inquired, finding this situation as funny as his friend did.

"All I know is that my baby Cena is being harassed by some guy named CM Punk."

Punk stopped his rustling of the newest releases at the sound of his ring name. The world was slowly out to make this week the worst of his life. He continued to listen to the conversation as his friend started to speak, evidently taken back by the same thing.

"...oh..."

_"Good choice of words as always, Colt." _

"Yea, but it's ok, ya know? Cena always wins in the end. Besides...I did my research." "Research? Like what?"

Punk stayed silent and continued to listen to the girl talk, still completely unaware that the man she was speaking about was in that very room.

"My friends and I did a search on Google about him."

"But things on the internet aren't always right..."

"Ya but listen to this! Apparently the guy is a huge manwhore!"

Punk stopped what he was doing and just stood there facing the shelf. He didn't know how to react to that. Apparently, neither did Colt.

"Who says that? I'm sure he's not-"

"Are you kidding? He's banged tons of women! Conveniently they are all wrestlers but I'm sure he bangs a new chick in every town he goes to."

Punk felt his eyes begin to sting as his hands curled into fists.

"But just because the guy had lots of girlfriends doesn't make him a manwhore!"

"Why do you care? If he isn't a manwhore, then he just sucks at relationships in general. I wonder why anyone would want to be with him at all..."

There was a loud THUMP. Colt turned to see his best friend on the ground, sitting with his shoulders slouched. There was no doubt he had been listening to what the girl had been saying. The girl let out a little gasp of concern. Colt darted over to his side, "Phil, are you ok?" No response. He touched his friend's shoulder but a hand instantly brushed it off and hard. Punk jumped to his feet and ran out the door. Colt just knelt there for a moment, unsure of how to handle the situation. "Is he...ok?" The girl asked, still oblivious to Punk's actual identity. "Not by a long shot..." Colt mumbled, as he got up and rushed out the door after him.

Colt made it outside but Punk was nowhere in sight. He wasn't in the car or in the parking lot. There was a sudden shattering of glass from the alley behind him. Colt turned around and took off. As he approached the turn, the banging of something metal and the sound of broken glass got louder. Right as he turned the corner, he heard Punk screaming. Not in pain, but anger. He stopped and looked at the scene before him. There was a broken TV at his friend's feet. Blood was dripping from his knuckles, most likely from punching the wall. Trash cans were tossed around, their contents littering the ground. Punk's breathing was heavy, as he collapsed into a sitting position with his back against a wall and his heading hanging low.

"Shit, Phil!" Colt ran around the mess to his friend's side, "Calm down before you get really hurt."

Colt knelt in front of his friend and held his bleeding hands. They were gashed pretty well but not the worst Colt had ever seen them. Colt reached up and slowly pulled the other man's hood down. What he saw crushed him inside. Punk looked up at him with thick streams of tears staining his face. He started to sob, fresh tears falling down.

"I-I-I...I-I-I..."

Colt wrapped his arms around his friend and pulled him close. "Ssh. It's ok, I know. That girl was way out of line." He petted his head, "She has no idea what she is talking about." Punk wrapped his arms around his friend and squeezed tightly. He hadn't had a breakdown like this since a confrontation with his father many years before.

"But what if she's not?"

"Dude, you aren't a man whore. Promiscuous sex is against being straight edge, isn't it?"

Punk let out a few more sobs and leaned his head on his friend's shoulder. "Yea...it is. It doesn't count for relationships though but even then...I didn't sleep with all of them! Just because people start dating doesn't mean they fuck right away," another sob escaped his mouth, "What if-if that's why John rejected me? What if it's because I can't hold a relationship?"

"Phil, you're fine. Nothing is wrong with you. Your relationships have been fine. Like look at-" He stopped and thought for a second. "Well recently...no..."

Punk let out fresh tears and a few more sobs. "Exactly! Even you know it. The last relationship I did right was Maria...and even then! I'm just not meant to have anyone...I'm good at short term things. I'll never get married or have children..."

That was all Punk could say before he felt vomit rise in his throat. He was getting too worked up emotionally and he had a tendency to throw up. The last thing he remembered was pushing Colt back so he didn't vomit all over him. All he could feel was Colt massaging his shoulders as all his emotions and food from the past few days came pouring out of him.

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><p><strong>Thank you to all who continue to read! A fun note! I also made it seem like there was something between Colt &amp; Punk by accident. Although I ship it, I want them to be set more like brothers. I'll continue working to update as soon as possible.<strong>


	7. Numb

Here's the next chapter of my story! Sorry it took so long. I was planning a wrestling show of my own in early September and had a lot to do. But yea, who else loves Tweener Punk?! This girl Night of Champions had me on the edge of my seat! It's so nerve racking in person. _. I meant to update last week but my grandmother was suddenly hospitalized & passed away on Friday. Today is her funeral but I had some time to upload this because it helped keep my mind off things. ANYWAY! Here it is!

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><p><strong>Chapter 7: Numb<strong>

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><p>Punk sat on his futon, curled up with his Batman pillow. Colt brought over a bottle of water and placed it on the table before taking a seat. Punk looked over at his friend, his eyes still burning from the amount of tears he had cried.<p>

"Thank you for taking care of me. I know I'm a handful."

"You're welcome. What have we learned?"

"Lots of stress and junk food do not mix."

Colt laughed. "That. And everyone's opinions don't matter. Only people close to you. Like me!" he accented by pointing at the goofy smile on his face. Punk laughed for the first time in hours. Colt really was his best friend. Punk shifted his weight and leaned his head on Colt's shoulder.

"Thanks, Scott…"

He swore that Colt was about to have a heart attack at hearing his real name. It was rare but when he said it, he knew it meant the emotions behind them were true. "You're welcome. Now go to sleep." Colt smiled as he turned on the TV.

"_Yes, sir."_

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><p>Punk pulled into the arena parking lot, the stress of the week still heavy on his shoulders. It was still early in the day but he had yet to eat anything. He had barely eaten anything since his episode. Nothing seemed to agree with his stomach but he still needed nourishment. Regardless, he dragged his stuff behind him as he entered the arena and let a road agent know that he had arrived.<p>

Punk made his way to the Nexus locker room to find Mason and Mike getting to know each other. "Hi, Boss!" Mike smiled. "Good day." Mason nodded. Punk waved a little and flopped down on the only couch in the room. The room was silent for a few minutes before Mike addressed their leader.

""Hey, Boss…are you ok?"

Punk initially said nothing, keeping his eyes closed. A few more minutes passed.

"Is he asleep?"

"No, I'm dead."

Mason laughed. Mike did not seem amused. "Is something bothering you?" Mason asked. "Not really. I haven't eaten for a while but the catering isn't up yet and I don't want to drive anywhere." Punk explained, placing his arms behind his head. "Would you like us to drive you?" Mike offered. Punk looked over at him in confusion.

"We aren't doing anything. We could all get a bite!"

Mason nodded. "A bonding experience." Punk looked at the two men. In the end, he decided that getting out after days of being a shut in was probably the best thing to do. He swung his legs off of the couch and sat up. "Sure. Why not?" Punk sighed, trying to sound as enthused as possible. The better of a bond they had, the more willing they were to sacrifice themselves for him. At the same time, it wouldn't hurt to have a few more "friends."

"I'll drive." Mike smiled, searching for his keys. Mason held up a set of keys and jingled them. "These?" Mike's eyes shifted uncomfortably and nodded. Punk laughed.

"_I truly have WWE's finest."_

* * *

><p>Punk sat in the Nexus locker room, balancing a plastic spoon on his nose. They had gone to a local Chili's and met up with the rest of the group. It was like being back in high school for Punk. A group of loud guys at a table in the corner making a scene. Punk had actually laughed a few times at his teammates and their jokes. They all had burgers except for Mason and himself who shared the 2 for $20 deal. If that didn't send up a 'on a date' flag to the waitress, he wasn't sure what would. Mason was the only one still in the room with him but he seemed busy reading a book that Punk couldn't quite see the name of.<p>

"The show started, right?" Punk asked. Mason looked up and checked his watch since the room lacked a clock. "About 8 minutes ago, sir." Punk sighed and looked around for the remote. It turned up next to his gym bag, although he wasn't sure how. He started to surf through the channels, passing a few shows that seemed more enticing to watch. However, he was technically at work so he should be watching his fellow co-workers. As soon as the channel loaded, he saw Edge in the ring. Edge was someone that Punk had originally been a fan of but over time, it seemed like Edge was becoming the type of person Punk despised. Apparently some sort of 2 on 1 had just happened because there were bodies lying on the ground outside the ring.

"Is this really how we open the show?! What about what we did last week?!" Punk asked, flipping over onto his stomach. He unconsciously started to kick his feet angrily. "Then why don't we do something about it?" Mason asked. Punk looked over at him. He must be losing it because that was something he should have thought of. Punk rolled off the couch and kneeled the way he did when he entered.

"Gather the troops, good sir!"

* * *

><p>The WWE universe seemed shocked at the sound of the Nexus' theme playing throughout the arena. They had no interest in saving the laptop. It honestly could get destroyed for all Punk cared. He was just sick of his group not being the center of attention. What he had to say was much more important than the champion versus champion match later that night. He was no longer broken down, unlike Edge.<p>

He and his men were standing tall. Five men who endured initiations to show the world how strong they were and decided to one cause: greatness. On Punk's lead, they started to approach the ring. Punk gave Edge a look that said 'yea, I just interrupted your segment. What of it?' A bit egotistical but it was the mood he was in. slowly, the five men slowly approached and entered the ring. Edge, wanting no part of this group on top of his existing injuries, just looked on before he slowly made his way towards the back.

Punk looked around at the WWE audience as he marched in front of his men. The audience booed with the exception of the few bandwagonners. He crossed his arms and made a slight annoyed face. He wasn't sure why. He just felt annoyed at the WWE Universe and life in general. For their hatred of him, for their stupid rumor spreading ways, and for the overall lack of appreciation and respect.

"In this world, only the strong survive. And the strong don't just survive…they evolve."

He went on to talk about the increased number of participants in the Royal Rumble but no matter how you look at it, he had the advantage. The Corre was a poor man's Nexus (mainly because of who was running it) and they had nothing on his men. He told the universe that he had handpicked Mason Ryan (although he had "hand kicked" Punk really) and allowed the man a chance to speak.

"I only have one thing to say," Mason started, "faith."

Punk smiled. It did his heart good to see independent wrestlers working their way up and cutting a short & sweet promo than most wrestlers could after years. Mike was a perfect example of that.

"_That NXT promo was beyond embarrassing."_

"Faith! I don't think I could have said it more eloquently." Punk continued, "These men are bonded by faith. Unlike John Cena…" Punk paused. Why did he start talking about John? He had to finish what he started he supposed. Or he could just change the subject. "And unlike that fake, poor man's Nexus: 'The Corre'…" Punk stated, using quotation mark fingers for emphasis. However, the WWE universe didn't want to let Punk change the subject. They started chanting "Cena" loudly, causing Punk to uncomfortably scratch the back of his neck. Even though he started talking again about uniting as one to help Punk win the Royal Rumble, the chants of disapproval grew louder.

"Not only will I go onto main event Wrestlemania. But the Nexus will become the most powerful group that the WWE Universe has ever seen!"

Suddenly, an unfamiliar song played throughout the arena.

"_Who dares to interrupt m-"_

Punk's breath caught in his throat when Wade Barrett and The Corre walked onto the stage. Punk's head was running with every swear word in the book. He probably shouldn't have changed the subject to The Corre because now, he had to deal with Barrett and he was pretty sure the Brit still wasn't over him. Heath and Gabriel had smirks on their faces like the former popular kids who formed a new clique and decided to challenge the popularity throne. It was weird for Punk being at this end of the scale for once, normally he was the outcast. But as soon as he snapped out of his thoughts, he realized the Corre was in the ring and staring down his men.

Barrett looked somewhat confused as to what his next step was but his eyes were on Punk who was not impressed by his team of misfits. His main non-interesting thing was Barrett himself but that didn't seem to matter right now. Punk gave Barrett a shrug as if to say 'take a picture, it will last longer.'

"Let me clarify one thing straight, Punk. The only version of the 'poor man's Nexus' is this garbage standing in front of me right not."

"_Thems fighting words."_

"You see The Corre…we are nothing like the Nexus. We are not some brainwashing dictatorship."

"_Stop using big words that my men, except Otunga, don't understand."_

Ezekial took the microphone and started to get in Punk's face. Punk wasn't sure what he was saying but he assumed it was insulting. Ezekial was within inches of Punk's face before Mason stepped in between them. Punk smiled and gave Ezekial the 'I got backup, bitch' look. He could hear Mike and Harris making noises that reflected the same attitude. Before it broke out into an all-out brawl, the lights started to flicker on and off. It was about time that the Raw GM stepped in. Punk moved Mason back and assured him that it would be alright.

Michael Cole got up and overdramatized his importance as usual and opened the laptop that almost met its demise earlier. Cole proceeded to read the e-mail which told The Corre that if they wanted to be on Raw, they would have to play by the GM's rules. With Teddy Long out of commission, he/she had the power to make a match involving them.

"Tonight on Raw, Wade Barrett will face CM Punk."

Punk couldn't help but snicker. He could finally let out some of the frustrations that Barrett had caused him over the past few weeks.

"But the stakes are high!"

"_This is never good…" _

"The loser of this match will find himself and his crew out of the Royal Rumble!"

The crowd erupted. Heath Slater looked like he was about to cry and the rest of Corre started to look nervous. Punk turned his head to look at Cole somewhat concerned but at least his men seemed confident.

"And gentlemen, there is one last thing!"

"_What else?!"_

"The Special Referee for this Barrett versus Punk match tonight…will be someone you are both extremely familiar with."

Punk felt his heart race. There was only one person it could be and he wasn't ready to see him yet. Not for a while.

"The guest referee will be…John Cena!"

The crowd went crazy. Punk felt his hand shake. If he knew who this anonymous Raw GM was, he'd probably smother him with a pillow. He felt a hand on his shoulder. Harris had been trying to get his attention for some time now but Punk had been too distracted. He whipped his head back to see that Barrett was in as much of a panic as he was. Barrett started to yell at him but he was too distracted by his thoughts and men to hear the exact words. So he yelled back the only thing that came to his mind.

"Just stay away from me until later! I'm gonna kick your ass so hard even tea time won't help!"

Barrett just looked at Punk, which made him even more worried. Punk started scratching the back of his head, the fear starting to show on his face.

"_What am I gonna do?!"_

* * *

><p>Punk had been walking around for about 45 minutes now. He was fighting with himself. How was he going to handle Barrett and not focus on John? Was John going to help Barrett win? Would John help him win? So many questions were floating around. His men seemed distraught as well. As he passed a monitor, his own image caught his eye. It was a promo edited together to show his triumph and unity of Nexus. Punk let out a deep sigh as he saw himself pose with his men.<p>

"Come on, Phil. Get it together. If you can't focus, neither can they!"

Punk picked up the pace and made his way back to the locker room. As he turned the corner, he collided with Mason. "Sorry, sir," Mason started, "I didn't hear you coming." Punk shook his head before looking up at the tan man before him, "Its fine. Why are you out here?" he asked. Mason also shook his head. "The men seem nervous. They are worried what will happen if you do not win." Mason explained, "I chose not to be around such negativity. I believe in you."

Punk smiled. At least someone seemed calm about this match. Punk smiled at this. "Sir, are you sure you are alright? You seemed distracted in the ring." Mason really seemed to care about Punk's well-being. "Yes, Mason. I was just…caught off guard is all." Punk explained, "Let's worry about the men. I guarantee my victory." Mason nodded and opened the door for his leader.

"_Chivalry isn't dead, I see."_

Punk could hear his men's voices as he slowly entered the room. They sounded worried and negative, just as Mason had said. Punk reached out and grabbed Mike's shoulder. They all looked a little shocked to see him.

"Gentlemen…I'm sensing a lot of," He looked to Mason to try and think of the way he had put it outside, "negative energy in the room and I don't like it. I don't know what you are all worried about."

No matter what he said after that, Husky's eyes continued to avoid him. Even when he got close, Husky slanted his head away. The large man continued to look around and appeared more and more uncomfortable. Apparently, Punk's words were not soothing to him. "Did you forget the sacrifices we made? And last we, I defeated John Cena." Punk stated. Two of the three men seemed to be listening. Harris kept his hat pulled down over his eyes and made it a point to keep his eyes averted. "I beat John Cena," Punk continued, "to show you the power of sacrifice. Sunday, at the Royal Rumble, you'll make the sacrifice of your spot in the match to ensure my victory." Harris turned his head away, pretending to be distracted with something on the wall.

"Trust me when I tell you this: when I win the Royal Rumble and go on to main event Wrestlemania, all of your lives will change."

Husky's head turned back to the floor. Punk was a combination of concerned and annoyed at this point. Husky was the only one who either didn't care or didn't believe in faith. Punk leaned forward and looked up at the larger man's eyes. "Husky?" he asked, "Is there something you would like to share with the group?" Husky removed his hat and ran his hands through his hair.

"It's like this: there are forty people in the Royal Rumble this year. What if you are eliminated before any of us even enter?"

Mason stepped towards Harris.

"CM Punk will not be eliminated!"

Punk couldn't help but smile. Mason was the newest member of Nexus but he was the most loyal. He would make a very good boyfriend but the Chicago Native knew the Brit wasn't like that. Still, it was nice to be cared for. Husky nodded, not sure if he did it because he understood or due to Mason's intimidation. "Just worry about tonight, alright?" Punk assured them.

"What about Cena?" Mike interjected, "Considering what we did to him…he isn't gonna let you win tonight."

This was the same fear Punk held inside, along with John's possible disgust of him.

"I don't expect him to let me win. He'll have no choice. Besides, Wade Barrett made his life a living hell. Not me. Have faith."

Punk knelt down and motioned for the other men to do the same. Slowly, all four men joined him on the floor. Without word, he raised his fist. One by one, each man joined in. Mason smiled at Punk, and Punk did the same.

_"John Cena or not…tonight, I WILL WIN!"_


End file.
